Marriage has been defined and redefined for ages now. The definitions vary from culture to culture and generation to generation. For some it's the bond of two hearts, while for others it's just a contract on paper. While most of us believe a marriage should always be the coming-together of two hearts, in the present Indian society there is a never ending debate as to 'how' they should come together. There are people who believe in the age old Indian tradition of an arranged marriage - in which the family arranges for you to meet an eligible spouse, while there is a whole other lot who find it totally absurd and believe in being able to find the love of their life on their own.
I feel both have their own pros and cons. Today with the society evolving, arranged marriages do not happen the way they used to in olden days where the bride or the groom had no say. Today arranged marriages can be considered a boon to those who do not fall in love. In our generation, with a lot of single kids, marriage is like finding a lifelong companion that you never had. It's not necessary that every arranged marriage should and must work. However, neither do love marriages come with a 100% guaranty tag.
Being a believer in astrology, i do agree when two people are brought together astrologically, there are strong chances of lifelong compatibility and a possibility of eternal love. But faulty astrologers and people involved in presenting wrong horoscopes can lead to a lot of conflicting marriages, not necessarily because of the compatibility, but because of the trust issues that rise when the truth is out in the open! Where as in a love marriage, a lot of time is spent together before marriage resulting in knowing the other person quite well before choosing to marry him/her. It's like having a little trailer of what the rest of your life together is going to be like. But if it's not meant to be, anything can come out of it in future.
Love is always an integral part of a successful marriage. The question is how it chooses to come in your life. Before or after marriage! It's possible you fall in love with your husband and it's also possible you fall out of love with your lover. Similarly you might never feel a hint of love for your husband and you might live forever in love with your lover. But who is to tell what your future is going to be like! If it was so predictable no one would ever have a difference of opinion now, would they?
As they say, marriages are made in heaven... but weddings are made here, on earth.. by us! What we need is a good marriage, not a wedding. Today people don't seem to know the difference between a marriage and a wedding. The one fault in many arranged marriages is that each family looks into the other's background making sure they are affluent in every area, not putting high priority on how the person is. A good person having a poorer background, not able to afford a splendid wedding is considered ineligible. Why do we forget marriage is a bond of two hearts... better the person, stronger the marriage. Love marriages don't leave scope for a background check, because as they say Love can be blind.. which can also turn out to be a problem in future, thanks to the whole bunch of frauds out there on tiptoes to dupe for money in the name of love!
The best marriages i think are those in which we have the liberty to decide our right partner, be it love or arranged. A forced wedding can never be a good marriage, regrets are sure to accompany. If we're unable to find our own partners, there is nothing wrong in letting our families try and help us. But there should always be a choice, not a compulsion. It's also wrong on the part of some families to strictly not allow their kids to find their own life-partners. Why forget that it is the life of their kid after all. A life they have to live together, a decision that is going to matter throughout their life. It isn't a child's play. Family has every right to 'advise', but not 'decide' for a grown up. The ultimate decision has to be left to the individual. After all it's a decision that's gonna shape the majority of one's life.
Lot of folks do not approve inter-caste, inter-religion, inter-nation marriages. But why? We forget that we are all human beings first with beating hearts. Our languages, cultures might be different, but we are all made of the same blood and flesh. We all feel similarly. And love is something you cannot force, it just happens. If two humans fall in love, how does it even matter which culture they belong to. In fact studies have revealed that children born out of an inter-caste, an inter-religion or an inter-nation wedlock, proved to have a broader outlook as they grew up and were found to be more active in spreading social awareness, in turn being a boon to the society. This is the advantage of being exposed to a wider culture.
Well, what i believe is every marriage MUST be a 'love'(ing) marriage. Whether it's 'arranged' by you or your family doesn't matter. In India, people believe marriage is not just a bond of two individuals but of two families. Who's to deny the culture. Go ahead, find someone for yourself, but try and strive to make your families comfortable with each other. If you can go through so many difficulties to get your folks to agree to your alliance, why not struggle a little more for your families and work that out too?! And if you haven't found someone for yourself, not fallen in love or feel you'd be happier with someone your family finds for you.. Well.. make sure you put your best foot forward to bring mutual Love and Respect into the relationship, because without that even a perfect arranged marriage can fall into ruins!
Wishing and hoping for a happy cheerful world with equally happy families. Cheers to Love!
This post is written for Love Marriage ya Arranged Marriage! contest hosted by Indiblogger sponsored by Sony Entertainment Television.
If you liked what you read, vote for me here. Thank you!